A High School Fable
Devin was a pretty ordinary kid at John C. Calhoun High School. He wasn’t a star athlete and he wasn’t on the Honor Roll. He wasn’t very good looking and he didn’t “hang out with the cool kids.” He certainly wasn’t going to any fancy Ivy League school like the Student Council President Donnie (aka “DJ” to his closest friends) and Donnie’s best pal, Stevie B., were. No, Devin was just the Junior Class Secretary (he ran unopposed) and not well known or particularly popular. So, even though he was keenly aware that Donnie ("DJ") and his buddy Stevie B. had bullied a lot of people (and maybe done even worse than that) to get to be “SC” President, Devin was pretty thrilled when those two sat down with him in the cafeteria that day. Donnie ("DJ") and Stevie B. lived in those big city apartments downtown, unlike Devin and his family out there on their farm --- so when Donnie (“DJ”) asked Devin to do him a “favor, you know, for the Student Council Prez,” --- who was Devin to say “no?”
It seems Donnie was already in trouble with John C. Calhoun High School Principal Ubersehen for something he did during Election Week and he needed some help to show it was the last Class President (Barry O’Shady) who really had been involved in some “sneaky deals,” trying to keep Donnie from winning the Election! (Devin couldn’t believe Donnie had picked him, little Devin --- out of all those kids at JC Calhoun High!) He was feeling really special --- and he didn’t like Principal Ubersehen very much, so why not help Donnie (“DJ”) & Stevie B. out? He was pissed that the Principal had already suspended Mickey Flynn --- for no good reason (“Lying” – c’mon). No, this would be real fun --- and maybe his ticket into “the ‘in’ crowd.”
So, what Donnie (“DJ”) wanted Devin to do was this: he (Donnie/”DJ”) had already told Principal Ubersehen that he (Donnie/”DJ”) had proof that Barry O’Shady had, in fact, sent out a mass e-mail claiming Donnie (“DJ”) was using his father’s money to buy votes (Devin had heard that, in fact, that was the case but, hey, it was Donnie/”DJ”). Somehow, Donnie/”DJ” explained to Principal Ubersehen, that the O’Shady kid had “scrubbed” his email history clean, so there was no way to prove he had been involved in such a dastardly endeavor. However, Donnie/”DJ” knew these two freshmen guys (“a couple of 9th grade Jewish kids,” as he described them) named Ezra and Michael, who had saved copies of O’Shady’s scurrilous e-mails. What Donnie wanted Devin to do was get those e-mails from the two kids and bring them to Principal Ubersehen to show that O’Shady had tried to fix the Student Council Election and that Donnie/”DJ” had been telling the Principal the truth all along!
Devin, of course, agreed. Heck, if that crooked O’Shady had been doing that to Donnie/”DJ,” then he should be exposed for the corrupt, cheating guy he was. Now, Devin knew that Ezra and Michael were both very close friends with Donnie’s buddies Mickey and Stevie B. as well as that handsome Jared (who was related to Donnie/”DJ” somehow) but Devin was sure all of this was on the up and up and he would not only be doing Donnie/”DJ” a big favor but he would also be exposing how corrupt the last Student Council President had been! It was a big "win-win" as far as he could see.
So, Devin followed his orders and met with Ezra & Michael and then proceeded to “show and tell” Principal Ubersehen what he had “discovered,” being the civic- and fair-minded school citizen he was. And that’s when Devin’s entire high school career began to unravel. Principal Ubersehen, it seems, had beaten Devin to the punch and called Ezra & Michael into his office earlier in the day, where they confessed to “mocking up” fake e-mails to make it look like Barry O’Shady had been trying to “influence” the Student Council Election. Not only that, but Principal Ubersehen said that Mickey Flynn was also starting to talk to him (the Principal) about how Donnie/”DJ” and Stevie B. may have used Donnie’s Dad’s money and influence to help “DJ” win the election. Basically, Devin was now caught between a rock (the Principal) and a hard place (Donnie/”DJ” & Stevie B) and he didn’t know what to do. Principal Ubersehen was threatening to call Mom & Dad out on the farm to tell them that Devin was in a “heap of trouble” and that his admission to the State Ag School next year –his “dream of dreams” --- might go up in smoke. But he also knew that if he “came clean” (as Principal U. put it) he was probably in for a real old fashioned ass-whuppin’ at the hands of Donnie/”DJ” and Stevie B.
Devin felt all alone and very small as he sat there in that big, hard wooden chair in the Principal’s Office. He was faced with a serious dilemma, like no other he had ever encountered and he knew he was not really smart enough to figure out what to do. He thought about his favorite Guernsey, ol' Bessie, and wondered what it would be like just to be a dopey old cow, grazing around all day without a care in the world. Yeah, that would be the life, Devin thought, as Principal Ubersehen reached for his telephone.